What does a ninja do on a daily basis?

Not very much! It may seem. I mean, I have the time to tap away on my computer on the Internet and I am a very slow typer, I average 12 words per minute which I'm assured is perfectly fine for a guy of my age, right? Anyway, I'm actually researching things for an upcoming event which I cannot go into, but I must say, Wikipedia is fantastic. You probably haven't used it because it's very secretive and I think you need to donate money to use it (cost me $12,394 dollars, worth every penny) but it's basically a dictionary of information written for hundreds of years by scientists and scholars across the world. You can find information about anything, for example this article is a very interesting read about administrative agriculture in Nazi Germany.

Oh yes, I joined a very interesting website today named "Twitter". It's basically a rip off of Facebook but they suck at programming webs so all you can do is pretty much say what you're doing at any one time, whereas Facebook lets you have full profiles and pictures of you drunk and things like that. Before you ask (which gives me a lot of time to say this because I know you won't), I do have a Facebook profile, but I set it to private and I refuse to add anyone.. except my good friend Ross from Friends, R.I.P. Anyway, my twitter can be found at Twitter.com/AttentiveNinja.. it's quite useless but we'll see, it may save my life one day and that is worth holding onto. That's why I subscribe to every English language broadsheet newspaper and the newsletter of 12 of the major whale oil retailers, as well as some other smaller publications which aren't such an interesting read but the mass of paper I receive at each of my 6 dwellings each morning is quite nice and means I don't need to buy fire wood. Not that I start many fires but if I ever need to, I'll be able to do so cheaply. 

That brings me to my next (and possibly last) thought: why are koreans so handy with flamethrowers?

"Blogging".

I have considered starting a blog for some time, I have quite an ego, and it is difficult to satisfy it whilst maintaining my integrity.. this anonymity will be just right, allowing me to express my thoughts (important as they are) without compromising my position. Trust me, being a ninja really stifles ones self-esteem, having to remain in the shadows and yet having more power than half of Europe. I hope my "posts" enlighten you all, anyone who is lucky enough to find them. I may seem to talk nonsense at times but trust me everthing that is said or done is done so for a purpose, so perhaps I am actually helping to shape the world as we know it into a better form. I hope so, indeed.

So, for a first post, I guess I'll let you know a little about me. 

I am a ninja.

I'm sure you'd guessed that (or read that in the previous paragraph at the very least), since I helpfully titled this blog "Diary of a Ninja". If you hadn't figured that out then you're either really slow, or some dirty dumbass Pirate (of course, the latter and the former go together like holes and cheese). I can't give away my name as I have taken a secret oath, and saying this is already a bit too much information. I could get into a lot of trouble for writing this information and I really don't want to feel the full wrath of my superiors (who I cannot name on public webspace). All I can attempt to do is to "blog" (as if that was a verb) for as long as it takes to entertain as many people as I can (my ego demands it) before I am inevitably discovered. Or maybe I'll just get sidetracked playing Dig Dug and forget about the blog.. 

Word of warning - Dig Dug is a serious threat to any activity you may intend to do, i.e., it is the king of procrastination.. if you have ever had anything important to do (groceries, meet grandparents, Fidel Castro, etc.) and came across a Dig Dug machine.. you'll know what I mean. I once lost an entire fortnight and didn't even get past the first level (I admit I suck at Dig Dug).

Sorry for side tracking, but, well, there isn't really a point to this post anyway, other than to introduce myself.. any other things you need to know? My age.. between 18 and 28.. country of origin.. confidential, I've already covered profession/hobbys.

I'm sat in a room with 1 exit that has a Yale lock (cannot be opened from outside) - which I suggest you all invest in, for ALL the doors in your house - seriously. Not only is it super secure (just don't forget keys) but it also creates a cool maze if you have enough doors, kinda like a video game only much more frustrating. I also have a 5ft glass window (the best kind) only single glazed approximately 8ft from where I am sat. This is a very good entry point, not only is it large but the single glazing allows for it to break easily, using any solid object thrown at a semi-fast speed. This is very unsecure (although on the other hand it's a good exit point if I suspect someone is working on the door from the other side, take note!) but I have a small glass within swiping distance of myself which can be thrown backwards easily at any intruder, buying myself time in their confusion - the actual collision would not be very damaging but the glass would smash easily embedding into the intruders skin and scattering around the floor, creating a hazard. 

It's the small things that are important, folks.